i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize