chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
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