Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
