Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I would ride that face into the sunset
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
