I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
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