It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
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He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
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sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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