I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Randomize
