You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize