i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Randomize
