Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
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How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
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Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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