I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Randomize
