i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
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