dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
