"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
