ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
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