I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Randomize
