the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
