Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again