oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
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so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
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one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices