So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
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We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
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I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him