my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
