your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize
