I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
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