Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
i now understand why vodka
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Randomize
