Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
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