Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
i out mim tonsoeep
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize