We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Houston, we have a squirter
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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