I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
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