Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
false alarm. still invincible.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
