On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
