If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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