dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
