dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
