pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
