im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Randomize
