Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
