Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
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