In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
