I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
