Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
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