so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
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