eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Come see our sink grown plant.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
