if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
