god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Randomize
