do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
You left your phone here
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