I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Randomize
