mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
