you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
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For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
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Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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