***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize
