toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize