i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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