i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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