Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Randomize
