i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Randomize
