Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
