you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
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