just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
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