Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
