Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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