Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize