What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
