wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
