It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Randomize
