i just wanna soil my oats bro
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
