you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
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