sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
whose parrot is this?
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Randomize
