I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Randomize
