my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
