I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
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