there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Even my vagina gasped.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
You're a waste of cheezeits
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
