I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
