you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
