Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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